Category Archives: Faith

October 8, 2015

Comparison is the thief of joy

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Have you ever felt like you were working hard, but going nowhere. Have you ever been on Instagram or Facebook and seen other people’s posts and think, God, when would I get there? I have been blogging for some time now and I felt like I wasn’t progressing. I have been on social media way too much it would seem.

(STORY TIME) I saw one of my friends who started her blog around the same time as me, she has over 40k followers on Instagram and her blog was way cooler than mine and she had a bigger audience, better pictures, everything. I began to compare myself to her and her achievements, questioning my entire life, my existence. I know it sounds dramatic but sometimes when you see other people who were in the same playing field as you and doing better than you, you can get emo. I realized that my dilemma in turn could help someone that may be feeling the same way. I mean that’s why I created this blog in the first place.

Sometimes you might feel that you’re not where you want to be or that your dreams and aspirations don’t match up with your reality. But, don’t you EVER compare yourself with another person because it will kill you. It will make you believe that you’re not good enough and discredits all your accomplishments thus far.

It’s one thing to look at someone’s work and say oh this is nice and get inspo from it but never compare their chapter 2 to your introduction. I’ve learned that the hard way. This is your race and your race alone. You were created for a purpose only you can fulfill, ONLY YOU. So while you’re jelling (being jealous) about someone else you can be working on your own ish, ya feel me?

I sometimes think, oh man, if I had this new camera or this new makeup thing, I would be a better makeup artist or my blog would look nicer. Or maybe for you, its if I could (enter thing you really wished you could do or have here) I would be so much better. And the truth is, you got to learn to work with what you’ve got right now and own it! When I started my blog, I didn’t even own a camera, or a fancy phone like I do now. But I started and I’m not where I want to be, but I’m on my way.

You have your own race to run. So put your blinders on and run it to the best of your ability. Use people only to inspire and get rid of creative jealousy. Create your own. And that’s not to say that you don’t seek to better yourself. You don’t have to do it like person A or person B because everyone is different and unique.

So when I feel unmotivated or down, I listen to Lauren Daigle “Trust in You”. Here’s the lyrics and I hope it can inspire you like it did to me.

“Trust In You”

Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet 
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You seeI’ve tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You’re by my sideWhen You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings 
There’s not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

You are my strength and comfort
You are my steady hand
You are my firm foundation; the rock on which I stand

Your ways are always higher
Your plans are always good
There’s not a place where I’ll go, You’ve not already stood

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!


Tips to prevent comparison: 
1. Get off social media 
2. Start doing whatever it is you’ve been wanting to do 
3. Be inspired and stop creative jealousy 
4. Know that God has a time and season for everything, so trust His timing– it’s perfect. 

If this helped you, drop me note.

Love,

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June 8, 2015

5 ways to be happy

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Have you ever felt like you needed a ‘happiness boost’? Sometimes life can suck the joy right out of you. Either you’re too busy to enjoy life, or you’ve been hurt. Here’s some easy and practical ways you can use to boast your happiness (read till the end):

1. Spiritual health- though its often overlooked, this is the most important key to your happiness. Listen to videos or music that uplifts your spirit. My favorite video right now is Joyce Meyer’s Nine Attitudes that Will Keep You happy (click). Go to church, find a ministry that you enjoy, feed your spirit with Godly things and watch it grow. I know you probably saw the word ‘church’ and said, ‘uhhh no!’ and so many people have been hurt by the church, but hey! we go for God, not church members.

2. Loving yourself- Health is more than green juices and working out. It is about loving yourself enough to care about your wellbeing. Start a journal, where you write down your thoughts everyday. Journal how you feel, what you learned from spending time with God. Try journaling things that you’ve noticed you like and don’t like, your pet peeves, what makes you, YOU! Loving yourself is a whole other blog post, but you deserve to be loved and don’t let anyone make you feel differently. Also, love yourself with what you put in your body. If you love something, you’d want to take care of it, treat it right. And if you’re saying, well I don’t even love myself well write on your mirror that God never created something that He didn’t love. And if the maker of the universe loves you, then forget what anyone else says about you or what has happened to you, LOVE YOU. You are more loved than you know, so love yourself back.

3. Diet/Exercise/Lifestyle- Of course you knew this was coming. You’re probably unhappy because of what you’re eating, which sounds crazy but its true. You are what you eat! And if you eat whole foods, you’ll feel whole, if you eat foods that give no life, guess what? You’ll feel the same. Junk food will only promote temporary ‘happiness’ but in the end can leave you feeling sluggish and regretful. If you want happiness that’s long lasting, then change the way you eat. It doesn’t have to be drastic, but it can start with steaming instead of frying, or baked/grilled chicken instead of fried or stewed. It can also mean that you’re smoking one less cigarette a day or drinking less and less. When you’re in good health, you feel happy and energized. YOU deserve to be healthy!

4. Rid yourself of toxic people- Get rid of people that are toxic to your growth and development. Focus on keeping people around you that uplift you and support your dreams and goals, no matter how bizarre they might appear. Its okay to loose a couple friends along the way and you’re not holding any grudges either, you’re just taking care of you. Toxic friends can suck the life right out of you. If your friends are encouraging you to drink after explaining to them that you want to stop–GET RID OF THEM. If they’re encouraging you to stay in a toxic relationship, GET…It sounds harsh, but you got to take care of YOU boo.

5. Do things that make you happy- find what makes you happy firstly, and make sure its something that it is positive. Eating pizza or shopping does not apply here as its neither healthy nor economical (sadly). If writing makes you happy then write away, if working out makes you feel happy, then do that. Find hobbies that are beneficial to you. Walks on the beach or park, get creative. It doesn’t have to be something fancy or expensive. It can be just writing a bucket list or things you want to accomplish, or cooking or baking something healthy that you would never have tried before. It can be as simple as staring at the sky and thinking about things you’re grateful for. You only have one life, so start living on purpose. YOU deserve it.

The thing is, none of the aforementioned can make you feel true happiness unless you’re connected to the source of all joy, peace and happiness–Jesus. I’ve tried everything to make me feel happy, nothing is as effective as getting your joy from God. This way, no matter what happens to you, you’ll always be happy because God doesn’t change. He’ll always make you happy, day in and day out, even in the difficult times. No man, woman, hobby or food can do that. Your happiness is not conditional, its eternal once you’re connected to the source of all happiness.

Jesus is the root of happiness, the above mentioned are just the leaves on the tree, and your happiness is the fruit. 

Love,

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February 2, 2015

How to breakup and stay up

It has taken me sometime to publicly share about my breakup but my fingers couldn’t seem to get past the pain in my heart. In the last two years, I became very familiar with feelings of hurt, despair, and brokenness. I had broken up with my [then] boyfriend of four years. He had been apart of me so long, that I didn’t know how to live or be social without him. This is not a rant about what happened and the details of that, so if you came here for that, you can X out of this post now (sowwieeee). This is a post for everyone that has felt hurt, or is still feeling hurt from a breakup. Along my journey of healing, I noted some pointers that I wanted to tell myself, after I was myself again. I hope it helps you like it did to me.

1. God’s Word

Seeing what God had to say about my situation gave me great peace in the middle of a crisis. He showed me that I was not alone, and that he also knows what it’s like to feel abandoned and unloved. After all, He’s been through all of those emotions. Four scriptures that comforted me were:

“…for I myself will help you, DECLARES The Lord.” – Isaiah 41:9-14

“…I DECLARE that I will give you double for your trouble…I am a prisoner of hope…” – Zechariah 9:12

“My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.” – Psalm 199:50

“I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born.” – Isaiah 66:9


2. Make a ‘breakup but stay up’ playlist

Its not the same as saying let me just listen to some “positive” music that will make me feel better about myself and love songs that will say I’m right and the other person is wrong! It’s listening to music that edifies something wayyy deeper, your spirit and soul. If your spirit is glad, you wouldn’t have to force yourself to be happy. This is the great part about God, He ministers to every need we will ever have. Surround yourself with music that will minister to your spirit and soul. These are my top favs:

– Stronger by Mandisa

– Overcomer by Mandisa

– Good morning by Mandisa

– Its a beautiful day by Jamie Grace

–  Gold by Britt Nicole 

– Write Your Story by Francesa Battistelli 

– He said by Group 1 Crew


3. Talking out loud

“One good friend is better than 100 adversaries.”

Find someone that you can talk to, but make sure they’re trust-worthy, you don’t need a bunch of handshakes from the fakes, especially at this time. Just vent to them and if they’re a good person, they won’t judge you for whatever you say. Say how you truly feel, when you’re ready of course. Don’t keep all your emotions bottled up on the inside. That’s worse, because one day it will all leak out and it might not be pretty. I had the hardest time with this one, because there was not many people I could trust at that time, but all you need is one good friend or family member that will sit down and listen to you say the same things over and over, and then over again another day.


4. Patience

Let yourself heal, there’s no time-limit on how long a person must heal after they’ve gone through a break-up. Its been almost two years, and I’m still healing. I’m not where I want to be, but thank God I’m not where I used to be. If you’re accustomed driving in the fast-lane of life, this will be a tough one. I became so impatient with myself, because I thought I should be over it by now. It’s okay!! Let God and time heal every last wound, after all, you were attached to this person for so long. You got all your feelings vested in them, you did things together, you texted or called each other every day, their friends were your friends, you created a soul-tie, and those things are hard to break. How long after a breakup should you get in another relationship? Well my dear, thats up to you and God. There’s no time-limit and God is more interested in the process than end result. However, don’t linger on it for too long, you’ve got your life to live!


5. Use the hurt for good

Don’t let this experience just go to waste, use it to create something new. During my challenging moments, I needed an avenue to do something I really enjoyed. I loved makeup, beauty, healthy eating, going to the gym, and blogging, thus That Khadine Project was born. It was like a breath of fresh air, it took me away from my problems, and it refocused my energy and time. I’m not saying to get busy and ignore the problems, but find something you love to do, which will help you heal. Now is the time to do YOU, and focus on making YOURSELF whole again. So when the next person comes around, and trust me they will, you won’t carry the pain of your past into another relationship.


6. Rebounds

BE VERY CAREFUL OF THE REBOUNDS! They lurk all over, in different shapes and forms. The convo usually starts off like, “Girl, I know how you feel. Give me your number so we can talk about it, I’m here for you….” R-U-N!!! You’re vulnerable at this point, remember that. You don’t want any “shoulders” to cry on that will turn around and ask you for your number. It’s not going to work because you’re not a whole yet, and they’re just taking advantage of that. Be free from any potential “relationship lurkers.” Boo bye.


7. Dear diary…

Get a diary, a blog, paint, draw, anything… Document your journey, and you can use it to help someone else in the future. I was re-reading my journal before writing this post, and I almost sound bipolar. “Dear diary, today I literally broke down crying…” ” Dear diary, I am so thankful, something amazing happened today…” “Dear diary, I’ve been feeling so peaceful and happy these past couple days..” “Dear diary, I’m so sad…” I look back on all what I’ve wrote, and I’m able to help others going through similar situations. Sometimes we heal so much, that we forget what it felt like. It’s good to also vent through writing if you have no one to talk to at the time. Just journal how you really feel everyday, and you’d be amazed to look back on your progress.


8. Closure

Bring the relationship to an end, mentally and physically. Go get your stuff from his/her house, take down all your pictures on Facebook (that’s why you shouldn’t have your business out there in the first place, I digress…), get rid of all the things that reopen memories, and would hinder the healing process. And tell yourself let it go…Trust God, He knows what He’s doing. I never got closure, but I created my own by telling myself I need to trust God even when I can’t see what He’s doing. God knows your future, He sees things you won’t. LET IT GO! He/She doesn’t want to talk about the situation….let it go. Close the chapter in your mind, and allow God to write another.


Final thoughts:

It’s hard to say all men are dogs, because women break men’s heart too. Everyone goes through breakups, its actually a part of life. The feelings of hurt and hopelessness will come. You’d feel like all the air and life was sucked out of you, especially if it ended badly. You will feel rejected or disappointed, you might even doubt your self-worth. But listen honey, no one is worth hurting yourself. God has a great plan in store for you, (“For I know the plans I have for you, declares The Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future,” Jeremiah 29:11). God didn’t just make you so you can look pretty, go to school or work, eat and die. He has destiny and purpose for your life. He cheated on you, she cheated on you, lovers become strangers….but God owns the skies and still want your heart. You can make it on broken pieces, I did. Remember this, “All that left me couldn’t stay, and all that stayed couldn’t leave.” I love you and God loves you and you’re not alone.

Love,

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